The Bet
by hes-beauty-hes-jason-grace
Summary: Pidgeon: then it's settled. Pidgeon: if Lance loses, Keith gets his car. If Keith loses, he has to go on a date with Lance in that car. Based on the worst date episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine
1. I'll stick you in a wormhole

**The Tailor- Lance**

**Shirodone- Shiro**

**Space Zuko- Kieth**

**Pidgeon- Pidge/Katie**

**The Hunk- Hunk**

* * *

"The Dream Team™"

The Tailor: hey mullet

Space Zuko: ...

The Tailor: chipper as always

Firelord Zuko: oh, bite me, Lance

Pidgeon: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The Hunk: ʕ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°ʔ

The Tailor: (¬_¬)

Shirodone: children please

Shirodone: ( ͜ʖ )

Pidgeon: ayyyy

The Hunk: ayyyy 〔´∇｀〕

The Tailor: ayyyy

Space Zuko: I reiterate

Space Zuko: ...

The Tailor: anyways,,,,,,

The Tailor: back to the matter at hand

Pidgeon: no one has ever called you that nickname js

The Tailor: ANYWAYS

The Tailor: as we're all well aware

Space Zuko: get to the point, Lance

The Tailor: I'll stick you in a worm hole Keith I s2g

The Hunk: ( ͡° ل͜ ͡°)

The Tailor: it's our annual war

Shirodone: it's sad college students playing laser tag in a place that used to be a strip club

The Tailor: it's a very serious war tyvm

The Tailor: but back to the issue at hand

The Tailor: namely, Keith is the worst at laser tag and I am the reigning champion

Space Zuko: the way I remember it is that you always used to win until I joined the friend group and now you're in second place and are both sad and bitter about it

The Tailor: agree to disagree

The Hunk: can you guys maybe have a piece of bread and calm down

Pidgeon: no no

Pidgeon: please, carry on

Pidgeon: I love conflict

The Tailor: Kogane, I'd like to propose a bet

The Tailor: based on the outcome of the annual war

Shirodone: sad laser tag**

Space Zuko: I'm listening

Space Zuko: So what are the stakes?

Space Zuko: Don't say money because I know you're in debt

The Tailor: crushing debt*

The Tailor: I'll bet whatever you want, mullet

The Tailor: bc there's no way I'm losing

Space Zuko: what about your stupid car?

The Hunk: Lance that's your date car, man

The Hunk: don't do it

Space Zuko: I wouldn't do it if I were you

Space Zuko: you're totally gonna lose

The Hunk: Lance you love that car, it'd be the worst thing in the world for you, bud.

Pidgeon: Hey Keith what'd be the worst thing in the world for you?

Pidgeon: just to make it even

Space Zuko: being one of those dates

The Tailor: oh you are so on, mullet

Pidgeon: then it's settled.

Pidgeon: if Lance loses, Keith gets his car. If Keith loses, he has to go on a date with Lance in that car

Space Zuko: alright. I'm gonna win so it doesnt really matter

The Tailor: oh we'll see, Kogane

Shirodone: for the record, this is a terrible idea

Pidgeon: Lance is known for terrible dates, Keith. You sure you wanna do this?

Space Zuko: Please. Ive come first all three years I've been here

Pidgeon: thank y'all for being so stupid.

Pidgeon: it's so fucking entertaining


	2. God is dead and we killed him

The Tailor: ladies, gentlemen

The Tailor: Pidge

Pidgeon: appreciated

Pidgeon: also

Pidgeon: where's Allura and Coran

The Tailor: OH SHIT

The Tailor: rite

Pidgeon: you've asked her out like 10 times and yet you just

The Tailor: I'm a busy man

The Tailor added Quizsnack and CoranicMechanic

Space Zuko: watching anime all day doesn't count as busy

The Tailor: here's an idea

The Tailor: shit your quiznak

The Tailor: ...shut*

Quizsnack: "shit your fuck"

The Tailor: Allura why do you do this to me

Quizsnack: bc you had a meme grouochat without me KNOWING how much I love memes

The Tailor: to be fair I forgot about you

Quizsnack: not better

CoranicMechanic: Lance Mclance I was going to leave everything in my will to you and this is how you repay me

The Tailor: okay all valid points but

The Tailor changed his name to Lance Mclance

Shirodone: I can't take this anymore

Shirodone added aDAB

Shirodone: you know what Adam I added you for moral support but this is worse

aDAB: ;)

The Tailor: Pidge I'm begging you please hack his account and change his name

Pidgeon: no

Shirodone: Pidge Gunderson so help me I will add Matt

The Hunk: o shit he brought out the dad voice

Pidgeon: I'm sorry please don't do it

Lance Mclance: dare I say

Lance Mclance: daddy

Lance Mclance has been removed from the chat

Space Zuko: finally

aDAB: ?

Quizsnack: same

Space Zuko: alright. I'm gonna win so it doesnt really matter

The Tailor: oh we'll see, Kogane

The Hunk added Lance Mclance

Lance Mclance: anyways we've strayed from the point

Quizzsnack: what else is new

Lance Mclance: ,,, the point being that I, Lance McLance II won the annual war against Keith Yurak Kogane

aDAB: sad laser tag*

Shirodone: you know what I changed my mind, love isn't dead

Pidgeon: ew

Space Zuko: blocked

Lance Mclance: is that an affection

Lance Mclance: in my good catholic household

Pidgeon: 'catholic'

The Hunk: 'God is dead and we killed him' - Lance McLance II, after our failed flight sim


	3. Hell is empty and all the devils are her

p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Shirodone added Matthaeus/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Shirodone: you were warned/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Pidgeon: URFJYFNJRFGB/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Matthaeus: Pidge/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Pidgeon: hell spawnbr /Pidgeon: you know what you did/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Matthaeus: ?/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Pidgeon: you stole my fucking fruit roll-upsbr /Pidgeon: you have 3 days to live/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Matthaeus: oh right lolbr /Matthaeus: no regrets/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Pidgeon: 3 hours. Make your fucking peace now before I choke the life out of you/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Matthaeus: can you even reach my neck/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The Hunk: why can I hear pidge screaming with rage from across the hallway/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Quizsnack: scroll up/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The Hunk: oh hey Matt/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"aDAB: Mattel/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Matthaeus: hey Adam. I thought you were dead/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"aDAB: only on the inside man/p  
hr style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Lance Mclance: Mullet/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Space Zuko: ugh/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Lance Mclance: you know the thing at the bar on Saturday?br /Lance Mclance: we're doing it /Lance Mclance: prepare for the worst date of your lifebr /Lance Mclance: meet me at like 5pm this is going to take preparation ( ‾ ʖ̫ ‾)/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Space Zuko: hell is empty and all the devils are here/p 


	4. Homly shit

Pidgeon: my parents bought my cat a Christmas stocking? We're Jewish?

Pidgeon: they said we can't force our religious beliefs on him? He's a CAT

Quizsnacc: iconic

Lance Mclance: Keith

Space Zuko: what

Lance McLance: I'll see you at 5pm tomorrow ;)

Space Zuko: the party starts at 8

Lance McLance: I know

Lance McLance: let's just say I have A LOT planned

Pidgeon: you sure are putting a lot of effort into this

Pidgeon: ( ͡° ل͜ ͡°)

The Hunk: Suspicious amount ot effort aside I'm really glad you've found a hobby buddy

Shirodone: Just don't spend too much, okay Lance? You're already in a lot of debt

Lance McLance: thanks dad

Shirodone: :/

Quzsnacc: I can't fucking believe Takashi used his first emote

Pidgeon: homly shit

Shirodone: I dont understand why this is a big deal?

Shirodone: also why am I dad

The Hulk: he didn't even use grammar in that last sentence

Lance McLance: I can't fuvking belieb

Shirodone: Language, guys

Space Zuko: this is why you're dad

Lance McLance: space dad

Coranic Mechanic: what is going on

* * *

**I'll forever be salty about how the team treats Lance so I'm going to pretend they're actually supportive of my son.**

**Also the actual bet is going to happen in the next chapter I swear lol**


	5. Tell him to throw you out

**This one had some actual writing lmao**

* * *

Lance Mclance: Kogane  
Lance Mclance: im in the lobby

Space Zuko: ugh

Pigeon: ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡ ) what y'all gonna do for so long huh

Quizsnacc: ┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬

The Hunk: ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Lance Mclance: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)=ε✄  
Lance Mclance: keith just come down the guard is giving me weird looks

Space Zuko: tell him to throw you out

Lance Mclance: come on man i won fair and square

Space Zuko: allegedly

Lance Mclance: youre so right keith i hatched an elaborate plan to cheat so i could win a date with you 20/10 for your detective skills

Quizsnacc: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

aDAB: tbh this chat makes me wish id died

* * *

Lance sighs and tucks his phone back in his pocket. The lobby is empty aside from him and the guard he's avoiding eye contact with. He runs his eyes across the room, looking for any excuse not to look in his direction.

They walls are walls are bland and stained, and the floor's poorly chosen colour is covered with a sad carpet. There's an even sadder plant on the coffee table in front of a couch Lance thinks he may have contracted an STD just from looking at. He backs up against the wall to get even further from it, just in case.

He checks his phone again, but there's still no reply from Keith.

* * *

Shirodone: kids can you lighten up a little

Pigeon: hey lance how's keith (͡ ͡° ͜ つ ͡͡°)

The Hunk: hey pidge do you still need a ride?

Quizsnacc: what beacuse they're too short to reach the brake?

Pigeon: allura i stg

Matthaeus: no its bc they're too short to reach the door handle

Pigeon: huihuhUGUIGGYGUIG i hate you

Lance Mclance: did your parents feed you after midnight again

* * *

"Alright Lance, let's get this over with."

Keith is standing at the top of the stairs with his typical frown.

Lance can't help but smirk, "Oh no Kogane, we're going back to your apartment first."

"What?" he asks incredulously, "And what the hell are you wearing? Where'd you even find that?"

"Same place I found this. Which, by the way, is your outfit for tonight." he holds up the black bag in front of him.

Keith pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs, "You're impossible."

"How do you like it, Kogane?"

"This is the worst thing I have ever seen in my life."

"That's the spirit! Now come on, we wouldn't want to be late. "

"Lance...I am not going out in this."

"C'mon Keith, where's your Texan spirit?"

Lance hurriedly checks the time on his phone, ignoring the abundance of messages already queued up.

"Lance, I am not going as a cowgirl. This isn't even a costume party. This is the worst."

Keith pauses as Lance comes into view. His face goes through a full range of emotions in split-seconds.

"Scratch that, this is the worst. I'm not going as in heteronormative he/her cowboy outfits."

"Sorry Kogane, we had a deal. That I believe you agreed wholeheartedly to. I would quote you, but I can't actually remember what you said. So are we going or not?"

"We're two hours early."

"I've got a lot to organise," Lance sings back.

* * *

The Hunk: Lance youre uh

The Hunk: putting a lot of effort into this

The Hunk: like a lot a lot

Lance Mlance: ya?

Lance Mlance: im taking keith down a few pegs

Lance Mlance: he deserves it

The Hunk: lance

The Hunk: im just saying. Think about it, bud

* * *

And think about it he does. The car is silent for a few moments, aside from the humming of the engine. Keith is staring out the window of the passenger seat, face minus his character surly expression for once- though his arms are still crossed. He actually looks okay.

"What?" Keith demands suddenly, instantly breaking the spell.

Lance shakes his head as if trying to dislodge his thoughts

The reflex to make some biting retort rises instantly to the surface, but he pushes it down- something he'd never done before.

What was going on with him, Lance wondered to himself.

* * *

**Keith's outfit- www. jokeshop .ie /products/wild-west-cowgirl-costume (remove spaces)**

**Lance's outfit- ** www. halloweencostumes western-gunman-costume. html

**Sorry for going MIA! College is a bitch.**


	6. Blackmail Purposes

**I actually had to do a lot of research (and by research i mean asking people on anime discord servers) bc the american education system is a mystery to me. So feel free to correct me if I got anything wrong lol.**

* * *

The car comes to a stop on a somewhat dingy street,but neither of them get out- even after he pulls it into a parking space and cuts the engine.

"Lance, do I seriously have to wear this? All night?"

"You know the rules, Keith; the date starts now and ends at midnight. I decide what you wear, what you eat, and where we go. Oh and there is one more rule- no matter what happens, you're not allowed to fall in love with me."

Keith snorts, "Won't be a problem."

Unsurprisingly, they're the first ones there. They are an hour early after all.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Use it wisely, that's your first of three," Lance calls in response.

He sits down at the bar, flips out his phone with one hand, and begins absently picking at a bowl of pretzels with the other.

* * *

The Hunk: hey lance hows your alone time with keith? ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

Lance Mclance: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)╭∩╮

Quizsnacc: ᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ

Lance Mclance: dont yall have anything better to do

Pidgeon: no

The Hunk: lenny faces are all i have

Lance Mclance: buddy pal are you okay

The Hunk: sadly uwus

Lance Mclance: i take it back suffer

* * *

The rest of the team are there by the time the bowl is empty. Shiro of course arrives first, along with Adam. Lance has never really had much opportunity to talk to the guy, but he seemed nice enough. Adam shoots him a smile from the doorway.

Shiro comes up behind Lance and places his prosthetic hand on his shoulder. He can practically taste the upcoming dad lecture.

"I know this bet is important to you. I also know that this friendly competition has encouraged both of you to work hard in order to win, which is always an important skill to learn. But just remember that we're all a part of a team and the fallout from this bet has the potential to put a strain on your relationship. So just.. go easy on him, okay Lance?"

"I know, Shiro. I'm not trying to do anything to compromise the project."

"I know you aren't. We could all just do with a reminder sometime."

With that, he walks over to Keith- no doubt about to give him the same pep talk.

The project... They'd all met during their shared robotics course in university. Pidge was few years younger, having graduated school early in order to follow in the Holt Family footsteps as soon as possible. He and Hunk were the same age. Keith was a tad older, but was roped into the whole project for extra credit after his academic probation. Shiro, Allura, and Coran were all fourth years who'd been assigned to help guide the four of them for their end-of-year project. It'd been Pidge's idea to work on a series of robotic lions. They'd yet to come up for a name for the whole thing, despite the countless hours and sleepless nights they'd collectively put into the assignment.

The rest arrive over the next few minutes, finishing with Matt and Pidge. Lance takes the opportunity to take a knee and pull out the ring pop he'd been keeping in his costume pants.

"Keith Kogane, will you make me the happiest man alive and spend the world's worst date with me? You have to say yes."

He mumbles a yes and Lance slips the sour raspberry lemonade ring pop- which in his professional opinion, sucks ass- onto Keith's ring finger.

"Now, Keith, if you'll join me on the dance floor-"

"This is a dive bar. There is no dance floor."

"-We are going to perform the YMCA dance, which we have prepared for in no way, shape, or form."

* * *

Quizsnacc: **video**

Quizsnacc: ur welcome yall

Pidgeon: Still can't believe Coran joined in

Lance mclance: tbh he looked like he was enjoying it

The hunk: where are you guys btw

Pidgeon: ( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)

Matthaeus: ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

Lance mclance: matt buddy pal why would you betray me like this

Mattaeus: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Lance mclance: also omw to the mall to take a terrible photobooth picture for blackmail purposes

The hunk: don't text and drive

Pidgeon:** image**

Lance mclance: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)╭∩╮

Lance mclance: also im not i made keith drive but ty 3

The hunk: 3

Matthaeus: honestly change your name to the incredible hunk bc youre gr9

Quizsnacc: seconded

The hunk: awww ty

The hunk has changed their name to "The incredible hunk"

The incredible hunk: :')

* * *

** Not trying to start any Ring Pop Discourse, I just spent longer than I'd like to admit researching ring pop flavours and that one sounded the most extra so.**

**Also the link to the image pidge sent: ** drive. google file/d/ 1RKxqUARUMSJtV_2nNmWId5Hf7W7mRLvh/view


	7. Just Peachy

**It's been a while**

* * *

Pidgeon: so mom and dad just called

Pidgeon: Rover got out again

Quizsnacc: isn't this the third time this month

Matthaniel: yeah except this time they can't find him. They've been looking for like an hour.

aDAB: Have they checked behind the house?

Matthaniel: all his usual place. He's nowhere to be found

Pidgeon: so matt and I are going to head out to help search

Matthaniel: sorry to break up the party

Shirodone: there's no need to apologize. We'll help

Quizsnacc: coran and I are already heading to the park to look. His phone is dead but he asked me to tell you we're gonna do our best

Shirodone: Adam and I will search our neighborhood

Pidgeon: seriously, thanks guys

Matthaniel: yeah thanks

Quizsnacc: 3

Shirodone: Lance, Keith, sorry to cut things short but we need as many people as we can get.

Lance Mclance: I'm right in the middle of this date and I cannot reschedule

Lance Mclance: I have far, far too many non-refundable deposits and yk crippling debt

Shirodone: I know your bet is important to you, but this is important to the Holts. We need you

Lance Mclance: yeah okay

Firelord Zuko: We'll search nearby animal shelters and let you know if we find anything

Shirodone: thanks, you two

* * *

"This sucks," Lance whines as they walk towards the exit.

This is the fourth animal shelter they've left empty handed. Keith scoffs loudly.  
"It's the most fun I've had all evening."  
"Kind of the point, genius. And by the way, As soon as we're done, it's back to the date."

They both slide into the car and Lance slams the door loudly.

"You're always so dramatic," Keith snaps at him.  
"Not so perfect yourself, Mr Academic Probation. Just in case you'd forgotten about that little detail."

Keith's hands are balled into fists. Lance stares angrily out the window.

Lance's phone lights up as they walk out of their fifth shelter empty handed. The others are having just as much luck as they are, despite the amount of ground they're collectively covering.

There's a text from Shiro: "hope you two are getting along". If by that he meant 'driving in complete silence, not even looking at each other' then they were just peachy.

* * *

They both walk out of their fourth animal shelter of the evening empty handed.

"It's a shame I didn't get to total this car. It's a total piece of crap," Keith bites.  
"Yeah well-"

Lance stops. He thinks about what Shiro would say if he could see the two of them; so wrapped up in their own bullshit in the midst of the crisis. Pidge loved that dog and they were barely helping the Holts get him back. He starts the ignition, catching Keith's look of surprise in his peripheral. This is the first time Lance had ever held back from giving him a piece of his mind.

"You want to know why I love it so much?" he finally says, not moving his eyes from the road. "It's because after I got my licence, my mom bought it for me. That might not sound like much to you, but my family doesn't have a lot. I busted my ass working away my summer to get enough to pay for driving lessons so that I could help my parents drive around my siblings in my dad's old car. And then my mom must have cashed out a kidney or something to get me this baby. Yeah she's old as hell, but I'll never forget what she did for me."

Keith is quiet for a very long time.

"You never told me that."  
He shoots him a smile, "You never asked."

* * *

**In my head they're kinda taking turns driving so that's why who's in the driver's seat may switch around**


	8. I'll kick you out of your own gc

It's awkward as the two of them walk into the the gates of yet another animal shelter. They're in unfamiliar territory and neither one of them knows what to do next. Lance is tempted to call Keith a butthead just so that things can feel normal.

Why is this so different? They've known each other for at least a year- why hadn't the idea of not fighting for once ever occurred to them?

Lance doesn't even know how things got this way; somewhere along the way their friendly rivalry had become hate- or at least a strong distaste for one another.

"So... how did you and Shiro even meet?"

Keith frowns, and Lance braces himself for the worst.

"His dad and mine worked together at the department. They were good friends so they were pretty much always over for dinner. He's always been like an older brother to me for as long as I can remember. And then when things went down, Shiro took me in- offered me a place at the Garrison. He'd always wanted me there, said I was smart and that I'd do well. But I never wanted to."

He'd always thought that Keith had a permanent scowl, but maybe that was just his face. Lance could relate, Pidge told him he has a permanent shit-eating grin.

"You never told me that."

"You never asked," Keith actually smiles.

Lance is so surprised he walked straight into the wall of the building.

"Stupid wall," he mumbles

There's a weird sound from next to him, like Keith is choking.

"You good, Kogane?"

"Sorry I just-"

He wasn't choking, he was actually laughing. Lance had rarely seen him crack a smile before, let alone laugh. He found himself laughing too.

"Here's a tip, that's how to make an entrance the Sanchez way."

"Is that what your mom told you?"

"Nah baby, this is a Lance original. You're welcome."

"I'm honoured."

He can't believe he'd actually made Keith smile twice.

Lance Mclance: Rover has been located!

Pidgeon: oh my god you found him?

Lance Mclance: well actually keith found him

Shirodone: I'm glad you two are getting along and working together. I'm proud of you

Lance Mclance: thanks dad

Lance Mclance: or dare i say,,, daddy

Quizsnacc: lonce i will kick you from your own gc i s2g

Pidegeon: lonce mcnasty

Shirodone: anyway

Shirodone: you two can just give me your location and head back to the party to carry on with your date

Lance Mclance: nice try mr cyber stalker

Lance Mclance: sides it's probz better if we keep an eye on rover in case something happens

Pidgeon: lance...

Pidgeon: I can't belive you'd give up your date with your boyfriend keith yurak kogane to save rover

Space Zuko: did you really have to bring my middle name into this

Matthaeus: seriously lance thank you

Lance Mclance: there's plenty of time to bully keith but rover needs us

Space Zuko: see you guys soon

Shiro's minivan pulls up. Seriously, he owns a minivan like the soccer mom he is.

Pidge hugs Lance as soon as they see him, and Matt joins in.

They return to the party with Rover in tow. Coran is still dancing to ancient songs- he's doing the macarena in the corner- and Allura is still filming him.

"Hey Lance there's a girl dressed like an alien at the entrance, she said you invited her?" Adam calls from outside.

"Yeah, send her through."

"Is- is that the stripper version Aayla?" says Keith.

"Yup, I know you like Star Wars."

"Is that a strap-on?"

"I- I believe it is. Ma'am, please stop this wasn't part of the deal."

She continues walking towards Keith, boombox in hand.

"Please. I'll give you two whole dollars."

"Your life savings?"

"You do know me, Keith."

* * *

Shirodone: I can't believe lance hired a stripper

Coran: I can't believe allura is friends with the stripper lance hired

Quizsnacc: for the record she's more of a go-go dancer than a stripper

Pideon: a go-go dancer with a strap-on

Lance Mclance: she wasn't going to do anything with it

Lance Mclance: I hope

Quizsnacc: her name is nyma she's really nice

Matthaeus: His coconut gun

Lance Mclance: can fire in spurts

Matthaeus: and if he shoots ya

Pigeon: MATT DID YOU FUCKING FINISH ALL THE FRUITY PEBBLES AGAIN I WILL SHOVE YOUR HAND SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU CAN SHAKE HANDS WITH YOUR INTESTINES

aDAB: it's gonna hurt


	9. Two halves of a whole idiot

Lance Mclance: hey what happened to keith's parents? He said smth went down with them but i was too chicken 2 ask

The Hunk: oh you and keith talk now huh [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]

The Hunk: also idk why dontt you ask shiro

Lance Mclance: bc he likes you more? why dont you ask

Lance Mclance: pls

The Hunk: flattery will get you nowhere

The Hunk: jk i texted him as soon as you said that

Lance Mclance: ty

Lance Mclance: change your name back to incredible hunk already

The Hunk: (◡‿◡✿)

The Hunk: so apparently keith's mom disappeared and his dad was a firefighter and died putting out their house that caught when baby keith left the stove on

Lance Mclance: oh damn that's rough

The Hunk: ye poor keith :/

The Hunk: i gotta ask why you're suddenly so interested tho

The Hunk: your read receipts are off so idk if you're ignoring me or just busy

Lance Mclance: ✓ seen 16:31

The Hunk: WOW

* * *

Lance Mclance: allura

Quizsnacc: ya

Lance Mclance: I think I might have a crush on keith

Quizsnacc: is this supposed to be news to me

Lance Mclance: yes!

Quizsnacc: Lance subtlety is not your thing. Remember how you had the hots for me

Lance Mclance: I didn't know you knew that

Quizsnacc: ydhtshfdggh

Quizsnacc: me and everyone else

Lance Mclance: do you think keith knows?

Quizsnacc: nah he's just as dense as you are

Lance Mclance: are you sure tho

Quizsnacc: ya you're two halves of a whole idiot

Lance Mclance: anyways I appreciate that we can still be friends even though I made a total ass of myself when I had a thing for you

Quizsnacc: you always make an ass of yourself

Lance Mclance: wow

Quizsnacc: but seriously me too not everyone takes rejection well and I'm glad we're still friends

Lance Mclance: :")

* * *

Space Zuko: how do I know if I have a crush on someone

Pigeon: that's easy

Pidgeon: you have a crush on lance and literally everyone knows it except you two

Space Zuko: damn

Pigeon: I mean I know the semantics

Pigeon: you think about them a lot and everything they do is cute even if it's gross. Also you get really excited to talk to them

Space Zuko: you're right. I have a crush on Lance

Pigeon: duh


	10. Shocked and offended

The Hunk: so are you and keith gonna ask each other out or just awkwardly avoid each other for eternity

Lance Mclance: the ladder

The Hunk: but for why

The Hunk: are you worried about ruining your friendship? bc no offense lance but you two havr never really gotten along

Lance Mclance: thing is

Lance Mclance: we actually had a bonding moment and have this newfound respect for each other

The Hunk: is respect code for wanting to jump each other's bones

Lance Mclance: and I don't wanna ruin that I mean it's taken us like a year to get to this point

The Hunk: buddy you're gonna have to deal with your emotions eventually. I'm not gonna ask him out for you this one's on you

Lance Mclance: wow okay

Lance Mclance: guess im not sharing my chips ahoy with you

The Hunk: I dont even like store bought choc chip cookies you know this

Lance Mclance: well too bad you're not getting any anyway

The Hunk: :(

Lance Mclance: :3

Lance Mclance: I mean I know I gotta deal with my own issues

The Hunk: there we go!

Lance Mclance: but rejection is real scary so instead it's just gonna be me and my netflix forever

The Hunk: lance you can't just

Lance Mclance: possibly a ferret

The Hunk: Lance Mcclain

Lance Mclance: I just wanna be that weird old guy with a concerning amount of ferrets

* * *

Shirodone: keith

Space Zuko: uh oh

Shirodone: what?

Space Zuko: dad lecture incoming

Shirodone: I

Shirodone: I do not give dad lectures

Space Zuko: okay dad

Space Zuko: what are you gonna lecture me about

Shirodone: :/

Shirodone: You and lance cant avoid each other forever

Shirodone: You know that, right?

Space Zuko: I sure am gonna try

Shirodone: Keith...

Space Zuko: I know shiro I just

Space Zuko: we've been getting along lately and it's already so fragile I don't want to ruin it

Shirodone: so you're going to sustain your friendship by avoiding each other? Never interacting?

Space Zuko: I guess you have a point

Shirodone: I just think it would be best if you two worked it out. I mean, Adam and I never would've gotten together if I'd never had the courage to ask him out

Space Zuko: I know

Space Zuko: but the idea of getting shot down is terrifying

Space Zuko: emotions are kinda scary yk

Space Zuko: change is scary

Shirodone: I know

Shirodone: I trust you to do the right thing Keith

* * *

The Hunk: you know

The Hunk: if I never asked Shay out idk how things would've turned out

The Hunk: I'd just be loudly pining over her to this day

Lance Mclance: is that an attack

The Hunk: obviously

Lance Mclance: shocked and offended

Lance Mclance: but

Lance Mclance: I guess you have a point. I'm not promising anything but

Lance Mclance: I'll think about it

Space Zuko: I'll

Space Zuko: I'll think about it shiro


End file.
